


A Letter to Those Who Care

by illiterate bastard (illiterate_bastard)



Category: Original Work
Genre: All I do is hurt him, How Do I Tag, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, My friends hate me for writing this, Past Abuse, Past Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Past Domestic Violence, Ren is my angst pawn, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:20:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28278276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/illiterate_bastard/pseuds/illiterate%20bastard
Summary: This is something short I just wrote today. Ren's past has been on my mind lately and I've been trying to get more work done on his backstory. This is kind of part of it, or in a way, a shortened version.
Collections: Casually Hurts Ren





	A Letter to Those Who Care

My name is Ren Levesque. I'm 20 years old and living with my twin sister, Renee Levesque. I just moved back in with her after police arrested my ex-boyfriend, Ryan Fields, for abusing and attempting to rape me. If you find me, I'm sorry.

Four years ago, I killed someone. He was the star quarterback of the high school football team. I was the captain of the cheer team. He tried to rape me as well, saying that it just made sense for us to be together. I didn't want it.

The voice in my head told me it was for my own safety, and they forced me to do it. After I got home, I burned my clothes, and made my first attempt to kill myself. I broke my right leg. Renee yelled at me, my uncle was silent, and my aunt cried. They took me to the hospital and I had to wear a boot for two months while it healed. I quit the cheer team and dropped out of high school.

A year later, I tried again, this time with my aunt's pain medication. My lack of a gag reflex helped, but it wasn't enough. Three months after that, I ran away from home, climbed the mountain, and found myself in a buttercup field.

There was a story, of a little kid from centuries ago, who had found buttercups that were more poisonous than normal ones. They ate them and passed away, with their adopted family standing by their side, praying they'd wake up.

When I broke my leg, they found vines. There were vines in my bone marrow. I found out about the voice in my head when I was 15. They were one of my only friends. They were silent when I was in the buttercup field. They didn't try to stop me this time.

They told me, when I was sick from eating buttercups, that that was what they wanted me to call them. Buttercup. While I was sick, they became more than just a voice. I could see them in my mindscape. They were a kid, at the youngest 10, the oldest 14. Their hair and eyes were red, like mine. They were pale too, with rosy red cheeks.

So far, each of my attempts has failed. I'm hoping this will be my last. Ryan tried to kill me, using a kitchen knife to stab me in the shoulder and dislocate it, then pressed the knife to my throat. I was able to kick him off, but sometimes I wish I had let him kill me.

I've been scratching at the scar he left. It itches, and Renee often yells at me to stop, like I'm a child drawing on the walls. Buttercup is nicer about it, makes me think of something else that needs my focus.

I quit my job at the Sunset Café. That way it wouldn't be noticeable when I don't show up for work. Kenzi, the owner, told me I could always talk to them if I needed it. I can't do that to them. I can't tell anyone what I've been through.

Renee's not here. I'm alone, save for her scorpion, Mike, and my snake, Pancake. She's out with her girlfriend, Lyla, and she said she's going to stay the night at her house. Renee, if you're the one to find me, please don't be mad. It's for the best.

Aunt Raelyn, Uncle Vincent, I love you. Maybe I'll see you in the stars someday. I'm gonna go see mom and dad again.

♡ Ren A. Levesque


End file.
